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Sunday, November 06, 2005

For better or worse

End of year is approaching. That means lots of things, for example:
  • Holiday season is coming;
  • Our project is in its last phase of development;
  • After I am done with the site and report, new page of my life should begin.

I should have a range of plans lining up. I should have made some important decisions so that my life can move on towards its direction. During the past years, I've learned when to be excited, to chill, to accept, to force and when and what to expect. There are always ups and downs and you know they will all pass or at least there'll come to a time to get pass, but at the very moment you just have to hold on to it and think this's the best or the worst of all you can face. Maybe I am just in that moment when I think things won't get any better and can't be much worse. Maybe this is all a delusion and I build it all on my own limited mind. But if I try to jump out of this time and space, and look back. I don't see really big changes have occurred. Certainly there are changes but I can't tell if they are for the better or worse. Does it even matter? Life is just sequence of events. After reaching a certain point, most of what you do is to maintain the position you are in. That position maybe is a standard, habit, values. If that position is measured by more concrete things that could mean how much you earn, how many times you go to gym, how much you weigh, how much you spend on certain things, how much you invest, how often you go on holiday, how well you keep work and personal life separtely, and whatsoever. That's all yours. You have to define it first and it takes efforts to protect it.

Ok Ok what I am trying to say here? Some part of my head must be burned out otherwise who has time to think of this nonsense?

--What do you want?
--A lot!
--Like?
--Good stuff, better stuff, better life...
--You can't be more specific?
--That's something isn't it?
--What's the plan then?
--Plan? I just focus on today, now.
--You shoud have some kind of plan! Actually different options, alternatives !
--Ok. Plan... what I want? You know what? I know what I DON'T want. That's a start, right?

What I DONT want then?
  • A part-time job gives me money that's way less to cover living expences.
  • A part-time job gives me money that's much less than the unemployement benefits.
  • Because refusing to take the part-time, I'd stay at home. Soon I'll turn nuts and fall into depression.
  • Another part-time offer comes up. I can't take it because it's not enough.
  • Because there are no two part-time offers at the same time, I'll end up staying at home, for sometime, then for longer time, then for a really long time.

I've pictured the worst situation. Now what? Aim for the better? I need a big turn, with some magic.

3 Comments:

  • Hmm, I can understand where you are coming from ? We all have days like this or even months like this. May be the dark days of winter is not of help either.

    I suggest one thing, live life unconditionally and see if it helps. I know it is easier said than done but try this.

    Hope you feel better.

    Good Luck

    By Blogger greensatya, at 9:27 PM GMT+2  

  • Hmmm, unconditionally... does that mean unconditionally give and ask nothing for return from life? Hard to achieve it.

    By Blogger sideeyes, at 2:25 PM GMT+2  

  • Unconditionally here is more related to happiness. Don't put conditions for it, take happiness from beautiful small things that happens in our life.

    Giving and asking from life is natural, but on the same time we should be more aware to do only what we can do. Sometimes it is best to leave things take their own course when we can't do much.

    Good day 'sideeyes'

    By Blogger greensatya, at 7:14 AM GMT+2  

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