Another Side ^^/ ^^ 岸

Wednesday, November 23, 2005


Because of the project work, I've been done quite a few trips to Oulu and Rovaniemi. I should say travelling by car is not the nicest thing to do in this period of time. It was dark two weeks ago without snow. Then snow did fall and stay, but rising temperature made most of the snow melt. Road becomes extremely slippery.

We hit the road to Rovaniemi around 8 am yesterday. I was travelling together with a team member by car. She seems to be the most careful driver that I have ever known. She kept the speed at 70 km/hour all the way from Kemi to Rovaniemi. To my understanding, it takes a person to "fly" with the car, and it also takes a person to drive slowly continously. Don't get me wrong, I am glad to be on a safe trip in so awful weather and road conditions. I just assume that she was too careful. A number of cars and trucks passed us by. They had to since we were kind of in the middle of the way. :D She commented 'Safety is always No.1 piority, even that means we will arrive late!' I was kinda afraid we might get a ticket for driving too slow.

It turned out that we arrived at the meeintg just on time. Two-hour driving went 'smoothly' indeed. Two-hour sitting in car was uncomfortable though. The moment I stepped out of the car, breathed the cold air and stood on the thicker snow, I felt actually quite good.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

For better or worse

End of year is approaching. That means lots of things, for example:
  • Holiday season is coming;
  • Our project is in its last phase of development;
  • After I am done with the site and report, new page of my life should begin.

I should have a range of plans lining up. I should have made some important decisions so that my life can move on towards its direction. During the past years, I've learned when to be excited, to chill, to accept, to force and when and what to expect. There are always ups and downs and you know they will all pass or at least there'll come to a time to get pass, but at the very moment you just have to hold on to it and think this's the best or the worst of all you can face. Maybe I am just in that moment when I think things won't get any better and can't be much worse. Maybe this is all a delusion and I build it all on my own limited mind. But if I try to jump out of this time and space, and look back. I don't see really big changes have occurred. Certainly there are changes but I can't tell if they are for the better or worse. Does it even matter? Life is just sequence of events. After reaching a certain point, most of what you do is to maintain the position you are in. That position maybe is a standard, habit, values. If that position is measured by more concrete things that could mean how much you earn, how many times you go to gym, how much you weigh, how much you spend on certain things, how much you invest, how often you go on holiday, how well you keep work and personal life separtely, and whatsoever. That's all yours. You have to define it first and it takes efforts to protect it.

Ok Ok what I am trying to say here? Some part of my head must be burned out otherwise who has time to think of this nonsense?

--What do you want?
--A lot!
--Good stuff, better stuff, better life...
--You can't be more specific?
--That's something isn't it?
--What's the plan then?
--Plan? I just focus on today, now.
--You shoud have some kind of plan! Actually different options, alternatives !
--Ok. Plan... what I want? You know what? I know what I DON'T want. That's a start, right?

What I DONT want then?
  • A part-time job gives me money that's way less to cover living expences.
  • A part-time job gives me money that's much less than the unemployement benefits.
  • Because refusing to take the part-time, I'd stay at home. Soon I'll turn nuts and fall into depression.
  • Another part-time offer comes up. I can't take it because it's not enough.
  • Because there are no two part-time offers at the same time, I'll end up staying at home, for sometime, then for longer time, then for a really long time.

I've pictured the worst situation. Now what? Aim for the better? I need a big turn, with some magic.