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Friday, July 22, 2005

Why bother?

A colleague of mine for last several days, has been talking about all kinds of misbehaviour of her boyfriend during our coffee and lunch break. It sounded that he has all the typical weaknesses of a man -- lazy, forgotful, unthoughtful, ignorant, silly... the list goes on. Then maybe even, typical Finnish man has some marks on him too, although I wouldn't like to categorize any people without knowing them really.

My colleague almost raised her voice when answering her boyfriend's one phone call today. I first thought she might have overreacted to the situation, with her temper and way of dealing with things. The boyfriend maybe annoying and unbelievable, but he as a person isn't necessarily that unforgivable. Or... Then she explained in further details of the boyfriend, including refusing to share the rent with her even he stays at her place most of the time. After receiving this message, we listeners all became almost mad and empathetic. We all agreed that our colleage should kick him out of the house if the situation doesn't change. 1/3 of the rent isn't that much really.

Objectively speaking, OK maybe it's not a deadful situation yet. Perhaps he just hasn't got used to the rule since he's new to the sharing house thing. He hasn't paid his part, but he didn't say he won't pay. Most of all, outsiders can never comprehend the issue and offer the real solution even all the details are given.

However men are men. They have their positions and sometimes they are meant for letting the women down. Maybe the same the other way around. Why we keep getting intimidated, frustrated, disappointed when two people are just too hard to walk in same rythem and steps? Why bother keep trying to make changes, to change the other one, when we know a person can't really change unless the force comes from himself? Are we selfish or two people just simply should walk apart? When you fight too much over little and bigger things, is there any time and space for some normal conversations and life?

Thus you can either forget about changing the other one and be happy about where you are or save the energy of changing the current one for meeting another that needs less change.

6 Comments:

  • i am sure that the question is much more complicated than this. if she likes him, if he is her boyfriend, there must be some reasons for that too. but i guess the answer should never be "men will always be men", don't you agree? i would you respond to a "women will always be women" kind of response?

    By Anonymous jose luis, at 4:14 PM GMT+3  

  • i meant "how would you respond to..."

    By Anonymous jose luis, at 4:14 PM GMT+3  

  • Things are never simple. Well I think what I am trying to say here is not simple at all :D Or did I speak clearly my thoughts?

    I meant maybe we shouldn't too bothered to change another person or be too upset by it. Should spare the time to do something more constructive.

    By Blogger sideeyes, at 5:25 PM GMT+3  

  • Yeah one shouldn't be bothered to change the other person, but then is walking apart so easy ? It might be easy for one but might not be same for the other stake holder. The ramifications are painful, so I guess one should take care while coming together.

    If the person is not compatible then don't come together, and if at all one needs to walk out from a relationship then it should to be done honestly and upfront.

    By Blogger greensatya, at 12:20 PM GMT+3  

  • True true. On the other hand you don't really know for sure wheather things will work out before you try harder or take seriously. Then of course it could be so that you kinda know things won't work out but you hope for the opimistic result or just wonder where fate will take you

    By Blogger sideeyes, at 4:04 PM GMT+3  

  • Yeah this happens in most of the cases, ppl think that the things will change for better but alas! it never happens.

    Any decision that is taken should be taken on the basis of present, any commitment that is made should be made on the situations at hand not on some expected conditions down the line. It never happens, and the result is hurt and pain.

    Dumping is easy but getting dumped is hard.

    By Blogger greensatya, at 8:46 AM GMT+3  

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