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Tuesday, April 12, 2005

We are us

After having been busy on some important personal things, today I've decided to do some leisure browsing and reading.

I started with news portals, continued with newspaper daily/magazines (weekly, monthly) sites, some book/music/movie reviews, then moved on onto some blogs (sure) and boards. I wasn't planning to read news news, but sure wanted to read something that I haven't read or heard much about. So this is how I felt. So Norah Jones held a concert in Beijing last month? Oh didn't know that. Canada's Mutek-group of elelctronic musicions play few free entrance parties in Shenzhen a month ago? No idea of that either. Chinese edition of 村上春树's latest book 'After Dark' has been published? That was like after 25 years since last novel publication? Painter Chen Yifei has passed away all the sudden? Wait, wasn't he quite young (50 something)and living in States? Oh yeah today I 'scanned' some Fashion magazines, like Vogue, Elle, Gloria, Image, so utimately all those shoes, makeups, clothes, bags and jwelleries started killing my eyes, desires, and shaking the mind and pockets. So that's why I quit for a while wanting and thinking.

We people don't wanna feel out and behind, definately don't want to be seen lack of information and knowledge on certain fields. We try to keep up by reading, watching, listening, chatting, sometimes even b**sh*ting. For a while we feel good about ourselves because we are part of the society, probably even sometimes as center of the circle. Then what? We are still us. We fill up ourselves with information and at the same time we are loosing some of them, without realizing it. We started feeling that we didn't improve and earned nothing. We are so not like that, so not like this, so far from whom we can be and aim to be, and all that. Oh this is endless.

Oh wait, I am not talking about learning stuff here. I totally up for continuous learning. I am gonna keep learning new things till end of my life. Here I mean continous reading, watching, listening, talking, chatting, b**sh*tting...

But I love the stupidness in us. Now I feel the emptiness. After some days of hard work, interaction with many people, dealing with number of issues, hyperactive approach, I feel empty and numb. I talked, thought, analyzed, interacted, attempted, well I feel I am just me, nothing more nothing less. What you said somebody or something made you a better person? How do you know that? How do you know you were worse? How can you know you can or need to be better?

We are just us. So stop wondering and pretending.

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