Another Side ^^/ ^^ 岸

Saturday, April 30, 2005

No exception

So after long time without drinking, I took a beer with salmon on ruisleipää on Vapunaatto(May Eve). A friend of mine in Oulu told me they had already couple of drinks in a bar in the city center at noon. She asked my plans and I told "drink something eat something visit some peple watch some movie, all that. :D"

Oh right half an hour later will be the first Finland's game in Icehocky World Championship. More friends will come over with their drinks, party outfit and spirits. Hey wait, what am I celebrating for? May day, is never a big deal for me!
They laughed. -Hey you are in Finland right? Do you need a reason for celebration?
-Ehrr...
-Do you need an excure to drink?
-Ehrr...No?!

I took another beer with these half-drunk crowd. I took a sip from a friend's cup. Yak, that was wired taste.
-What the hell did you mix up?
She looked at me and the crowd laughed like bunch of fools.
Ehrr... mikä porukka! (oh these people!):>


Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Turn off your TV?!

356 days a year. I'll never be surprised to know yesterday, today or any day was given a meaning to. I love some of them, like bicycle day, fight cancer day, fight heart disease day, consumer day...oops didn't I just make some of them up? OK, you know what I mean.

I just came to acknowledge that there is a 'Turn off Your TV week', and it happened to be this week. Oh Yeah! There is a anti-TV network or some sort of organization that is said to help people to watch less TV. Plenty of web sites seem to be making the contributions to helping people shifting from TV to more interesting, healthy and valuable activites of life. I see...

Heard of TV-B-Gone?It looks like a key chain that acts as a TV remote control to turn off TVs in 7 meters to 17 meters. The maker claims that this tiny remote control can turn off more than 1000 TV models. Most of the TVs can be turned off in matter of seconds, few up to 69 seconds. Hmm, OK. Does it mean that I can hang it on my key chain and turn off every TV I see, for fun? Hmmm,thinking... Imagining myself turning off the TV in a sport club in middle of the game. It probably won't work until I tried few times. Good thing is that everybody'd think I am playing with my car key. Hmmm... still thinking...

Ok I probably don't get how much harm does TV do to our loverly children plus adults. Neither do I get how does this kind of compaign bring light to life. A remote control costs about £9 surely has some market potential. Or what? Point is this is busines.

"TV-B-Gone universal remote control turns off virtually any television! It's the ultimate jammer tool for reclaiming public space. It works at airports, bars, offices... any place that needs a break from the idiot box. Clarity of mind, one click at a time. " (quoted from adbuster)

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Playing field

I had an appointment on 13.30 and I didn't take any lunch with me. Since I will have the Finnish course till 18.00, I thought it would be crazy just to have an apple to fill myself. I had gloomy feeling for the whole morning. I walked into Hesburger to eat some 'junk food' to feel less gloomy. See? I am proved again to have some eating attitude problems. But junk food does make my day better, especially I'd go running for 20 minutes to ger ride of the fat and energy.

Ok back to where I was. I decided to take a Fishburger Meal. While waiting for the Fishburger, I eat my Frenchfriese and drank the Fanta. I noticed there were more than 10 kids (aged from 1 to 5) in the house and there were more coming inside. This hesburger is a 1-stored building and rather small. Its playing field was placed at one of the corners and kids are always fond of it. I don't see playing fields a problem at all. I mean kids likes to play pretty much whatever whenever. At home kids like playing when they are supposed to have meal. I don't know if that's the original idea of placing a playing field in a Hamburger chain store (by M's). Thus eventually kids come to Hamburger store to play, make some noises and make more noises with other kids, instead of eating. Business is always business. No doubt.

New surveys come to tell us junk food kills us. Kids are overweight because of too much unhealthy food. There is nothing new in those. Aren't there anything we don't know? For example something like in how early age a kid is taken to a hamburger restaunrant by parents?Is it the smell, look or actual taste of the burger plays the decisive factor, or the playing field, or the soda? I perosnally think the soda tastes great :P

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

After effect

I experienced something which was sad and furious yesterday afternoon, at least after (5 hours) effect was me feeling disappointed and furious. Glad that I had the dearest people to talk it over.

Since it happened yesterday and I rather keep the blog just-in-time, I'd skip describing the whole thing in written form.

Living away from home land is tough, but it never struke me that much as yesterday how mentally and strategically hard to get accepted by the Finnish employers in general.

Sometimes no words says more than 100 words. Directness is much better that leaving you wondering. So in that way I am glad that I got an firm answer.

I don't get easily hurt or offended. Once I did, it could be massive :P but it never last long. Thus this morning when I woke up standing on the balcony feeling the sunshine and cold dusty(with all the gravel and sand left from winter) air, I kinda forgot how I felt 12 hours earlier. I thought I'd be depressed and shaky for days. I guess this after effect was overestimated. Thus I move on.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

A chat

Surprisingly I met an old friend Liu Peng on msn. It was late by China time, around 2.30am.
"Hehe!"
"Hehe..."
"It is so late!Didn't your wife drag you to bed?"
"She's sleeping!"
(^^I figured he must be troubled?)
He continued, "I am becoming dad soon!"
"Oh really? Congratulations man!"
"Thanks thanks! We are expecting our baby on August!"
Don't know really what to say, but "Wow, congratulations, to your both, I mean a perfect family now ha?"
"Yah, thanks!" (I can feel the anxiety between the lines)
He added, "I am drunk...hehe... today is my birthday!"
(Well well man, that's the reason you've been up so late, I thought.)
"Haven't heard you for so long, then all I hear are the best I can hear? Everything back in China must be great for you guys?"
"Not really", he replied, "All right I guess."

Then our conversation continued for some time. He seemed to be a bit slow (drank too much I guess :D). From him I got to know that Tony, our MBA graduate from Helsinki School of Economics now is working at Sales for IKEA.
"He's in Helsinki actually now!" He commented.
"Oh why?"
"He was sent for a training in Sweden. Staying in Helsinki for two days before returning to China."
Then I figured he is still dating the same girl in Helsinki. Luckily the girl'll graduate soon, otherwise this long-distance relationship is gonna be hard to manage.

Then some flashbacks in front of eyes. Remember we are clapping hands and saying 'Next gathering will be in China, definately! You know first 10 days in Beijing, then rest of the month can be spent in Qingdao, then Tina's home...oh then would be more like a group tour... but who's paying the bill? Accomodation won't be a bit deal ....Oh we are too drunk..." And all laughed.

Tony's decicion of leaving Finland and returning to China was made just right on time and appropriate.

I remembered something and said "I gotta watch a movie on TV in few minutes now! Catch you later! Wish you the best, Liu Peng!"
"Wait, wait I wished to sent a photo to you."
"Now? Ok, quick, quck..."
":) Ok in 2 minutes"
After 20 minutes, no files sending. I figured he couldn't find the file or forgot what he promised and went straight to bed. Or maybe he went on drinking because he is cold feet for having the first baby? Hmmm, I must be evil :O

I went to watch my movie and turned my machine to standby mode.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

看了海上花Flowers of Shanghai

海上花
听上海话,看英文字幕简直是折磨,或许就因为这个,或者还有其它缘故,欣赏不来这片子。候季贤大师的手法的确就是抒情而非叙事型的。女角色都演得到位,李嘉欣倒是演出了些人物的“厉害劲”,客串的伊能静感觉挺好玩。音乐是不是太悲哀了点?

Friday, April 15, 2005

miserable

Ok I was going to say something like what the f*cking*(&%$#... Why and why my friends can't see my blog through the direct url http://sideeyes.blogspot.com/

Can't figure it out...

Old stuff, but funny...or

1、Apple:Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity(傲慢出废品)
2、ISDN:It Still does Nothing(它还什么都没做)
3、PCMCIA:People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms(人们不能记住电脑产业)
4、SCSI:System Can't See It(系统不能发现它)
5、DOS:Defunct Operating System(不存在的操作系统)
6、BASIC:Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control(比尔抓取企业控制(杆)的企图)
7、IBM:I'll Bounce Microsoft(我要撵走微软)
8、DEC:Dot't expect Cuts(别指望降价)
9、HP:high price(高价格)
10、CD-ROM:Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months(消费型设备,被宣布在数月内废止)
11、OS/2:Obsolete Soon, too(也将很快废止)
12、WWW:World Wild Wait(全球等)
13、Macintosh:Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs(大多数应用程序瘫痪,要不然就是系统挂起)

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Sleep at the wrong places

Today I escaped. I went straight to Haparanda, Swe. after I got out of bed after 8.00 am. As usual I took the bus to the city. It was foggy and humid. Rain+wet snow started to fall. It seems that the sign of Spring has paused even though it is two weeks before Vappu. Like I spoke earlier I find this stuck between winter and spring feeling very unpleasant. Anyhow, I decided to enjoy my day.

There was only me on the bus until an old lady and a student-look girl got on the bus in an uptown area. I had my mp3 player with me with about 30 minutes play time (low battery). Now I realized it has been in my bag for days. I carried all sorts of stuff with my bag. ^^ My player must have got pressed or something. Anyway I leaned my head and started to sleep.

I feel sleepy always on bus, no matter how well or bad I slept at the previous night. I can fall asleep easily on bus even if the trip takes only 20 minutes. 20 minutes is long enough for me to have a quality nap. There is music playing, people mumbling, bus stopping and turning, people on and off. That all doesn't matter. I would just need to be careful not to pass my own stop. Sometimes I even think what if I passed my destination, I didn't wake up in time? Oh that wouldn't be a big deal I figured?! The bus will take me back since my bus ticket is valid for a month and there is no limits of times of travel during that time. The bus driver will be kind and tolerant on my silliness. :P

I sleep all the time at the wrong places, in my friends' cars and bus travels. There is something in them makes me feel peaceful. Maybe simplely the moving car, or the mild music, the sound of engine, view moving backwards? I've never been a driver so I can keep disclaiming "I love road trip".

Now the frequent bus travellers all have the image of me - sleeping girl, and probably would question "How the hell can she sleep everytime on bus? Didn't she get sleep at home?" Well, sleeping at home has become a nightmare. There is something about sleeping on bed makes me uneasy. "Are you stressed about something?" They tend to ask. Oh yeah like everyone I have weigh on shoulders, but so stressed that I've developed some disease? No I don't think so.

Maybe I should go to friends' place to sleep for few nights.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

喝水

我有一个杯子,还有个Mountain Dew0.5l的瓶子,都是用来喝水的.我不喝咖啡,这么久也没有让这里人酷爱喝黑咖啡的习惯影响到,不知是兴慰还是纳闷才对.我对咖啡因过敏,中午12点钟之后喝晚上一律睡不着觉,至少会睡得不安分.和芬兰朋友说起来,他们都会张大嘴巴,好像我真的很外星.他们简直喝得过多了我认为.办公室里流行黑咖啡,就是不要cream也不加牛奶的那种,最多放些方糖.加糖的咖啡的滋味最没劲,象是烧过头的甜水.不过芬兰人的舌头肯定很特别,他们吃的主食那么的无味,让人怀疑他们的味觉先天迟钝.可是吃起那些黑黑的糖以及 Mämmi 又津津有味.我的理论是芬兰人的味觉肯定尤其特殊,不喜欢吃太咸太油腻的,吃不得麻辣的,但那些芬兰traditional food中strong的怪味道是至爱forever的.总之就是Finns are odd.

回到原话题上来,so,我不喝咖啡,也没有中国人传统的喝茶的习惯,如果要喝也必须得配点心吃,这就说明我严重贪吃!这里也没有好茶,西方茶怎么都不好喝,他们也分绿茶,红茶,黑茶的,也有不少茶叶专门店,可我就是觉得不好喝,还是乌龙,菊花,和茉莉花茶好喝. 那些茶太浓,也会弄得失眠所以我也是甚少喝的.

所以说来说去日常最佳饮品还是水,我有没有一日8杯阿,没有计算过,估计是超过了.不过有时候不想喝也会喝上几口,比如开会的时候,比如研究一个技术问题的时候,比如朋友把偶当成爱情专家拼命说电话的时候.感觉喝水是一个过渡工具,之后就可以想出一些东西,可做或可说或可尝试的.我小时候好像都有这个狡猾的招法.家里老爸逼着练钢琴的时候一练不就是几个小时嘛?电视没的看,和朋友在楼下的游戏没的玩.很闷的么,於是我就找机会喝水.那时候不是瓶装水啦,更不是北欧这里的直接饮用水,於是我会借口几次离开钢琴,给自己的水杯满上水,要吹吹让开水冷,还要分几次去喝,顺便瞟一瞟隔壁房间什么动静呀.老爸刚开始以为我真的是很口渴,要喝这么多次水,后来也知道是借口,於是不让我耍滑头.我是很狡猾的,你想想喝水喝多了一般也会增加上厕所的次数吧?呵呵,这样离开钢琴的机会又多了一些了.虽然离开钢琴离不开老爸的视线,可是至少可以有个喘气的机会,现在想起来好像有点可怜,老爸也老说当时逼我练琴过分了.当时嘛,我是很浆糊的,没有自怜自叹的冲动,反为自己的小聪明自豪.

现在的喝水不同了,最大的好处就是美容.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

We are us

After having been busy on some important personal things, today I've decided to do some leisure browsing and reading.

I started with news portals, continued with newspaper daily/magazines (weekly, monthly) sites, some book/music/movie reviews, then moved on onto some blogs (sure) and boards. I wasn't planning to read news news, but sure wanted to read something that I haven't read or heard much about. So this is how I felt. So Norah Jones held a concert in Beijing last month? Oh didn't know that. Canada's Mutek-group of elelctronic musicions play few free entrance parties in Shenzhen a month ago? No idea of that either. Chinese edition of 村上春树's latest book 'After Dark' has been published? That was like after 25 years since last novel publication? Painter Chen Yifei has passed away all the sudden? Wait, wasn't he quite young (50 something)and living in States? Oh yeah today I 'scanned' some Fashion magazines, like Vogue, Elle, Gloria, Image, so utimately all those shoes, makeups, clothes, bags and jwelleries started killing my eyes, desires, and shaking the mind and pockets. So that's why I quit for a while wanting and thinking.

We people don't wanna feel out and behind, definately don't want to be seen lack of information and knowledge on certain fields. We try to keep up by reading, watching, listening, chatting, sometimes even b**sh*ting. For a while we feel good about ourselves because we are part of the society, probably even sometimes as center of the circle. Then what? We are still us. We fill up ourselves with information and at the same time we are loosing some of them, without realizing it. We started feeling that we didn't improve and earned nothing. We are so not like that, so not like this, so far from whom we can be and aim to be, and all that. Oh this is endless.

Oh wait, I am not talking about learning stuff here. I totally up for continuous learning. I am gonna keep learning new things till end of my life. Here I mean continous reading, watching, listening, talking, chatting, b**sh*tting...

But I love the stupidness in us. Now I feel the emptiness. After some days of hard work, interaction with many people, dealing with number of issues, hyperactive approach, I feel empty and numb. I talked, thought, analyzed, interacted, attempted, well I feel I am just me, nothing more nothing less. What you said somebody or something made you a better person? How do you know that? How do you know you were worse? How can you know you can or need to be better?

We are just us. So stop wondering and pretending.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Languages

实在厌倦了IE,决定换Mozilla Firefox换个味道。因为刚开始用不好做过多评价,不过它的block popup windows功能蛮适用,它能够直接“进口”IE和Opera的Favourates这一点也很方便。总之将操作简易化的东西我都要赞的!

对于用什么语言写东西,打算随心所欲,尽量以英文blog为主,不过不会刻意阻止自己,觉得用什么语种表达就用好了。于是现在用母语。什么时候芬兰文可能流畅书写的程度,也自然会用芬兰语blog的,现在看来那似乎是遥远遥远的将来。

因为大多是用英语思考,所以中文表达时不但词语很多时候出不来,而且很不流畅,经常出现拉字,衔接不上的问题。对于这个我也只好顺其自然,他们都安慰我说 “你的中文可以的了,多说几次就又会流利起来了”。是啊,很多东西不好兼备,语言这个东西虽然说可以互通那也估计是在学习语言的时候有融会贯通的可能性, 可相差实在甚远的语言,再加上环境脱节,想同时巩固和掌握多种语言到相当的水平是不太可能的。所以我很怀疑那些能流利操几国语言的高人,有多流利多熟练多 精通恐怕只有自己知道,这几门语言的精通程度肯定也有个高低深浅之分。

Cheats? Cheats!

Honesty is one of the best things. So was I educated in my early school years. I respect honesty and try the best to embrace it in every aspects of my life as much as I can. I want to have the same standards for me and anyone else, but it's impossible to evaluate dishonesty with the same standard in all cases. However there are certain dishonesty I definately hate.

Ok people play games right? There are all kinds of games, and First Person Shooting is one of them. The fun to play FPS online cannot be compared to play against the machine/program. There are certain people are natual FPS players, let's say shooters. They have unusual response time and head shot is the what they only aim at. They are pro players who may have number of sponsors. Then there are people who what to be the first-rate players, but they can't or can't yet. There are ways to make them better than they actually are.
Cheats. There are all kinds of cheats for all games. Hax came in latest versions corresponding the anti-cheats solutaion made by the game developers. Hax of course is always ahead, like the virus just came in too many forms and ways that some of them are just too hard to identify in time and fight against.

I am amazed how young are nowadays online gamers! Some 11-year-old kids seem to know the latest the game news and have couple years of game experience already. They truly love gaming. Gaming is a competitive. If there are means to make me shoot like a pro and I may not be revealed, why shouldn't I try it out? It would be fun! No defence, but they are truly kids man! I couldn't take their cheats more serious than thinking it as a normal action in a regular process. Since the real serious games are old or wise enough to understand what gaming's all about and follow the honesty rule, I will just think cheats are normal. Kids may not know everything, but they know Cybernet is whole different world than going to school, playing at the playground and having meals with parents. Here is the thing with kids' mind(supposingly). There you can shoot like with real weapons against real enemies, but yet not real. There you can being naughty and people will just shout out 'Liers! Cheaters!' Then they will forget about you, and you are left with more than one option: change your nicknames or shift to another game. Nobody would mind and you'll probably fed up with this game anyway sooner or later.

So no harm really. In real life it's possible that the cheater kids are the most obedient ones in both schools and homes. No worries. I do hate cheats, but I can't hate all the people who cheats, especially they have no ideas what they are doing.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Life and Medicine

So after 15 years of treatment+suffering, Terri was cut out from life support. She left... I am not here to bring up any more debates. Actually I just realized how little I know about medicine, Western and Chinese medicine. I am intending to discuss about Teri's case cause there are just too many things involved: medicine, morality, legislation, religion, politicians too. Personally I think it's the time to let her go. The thing is who's the right to make such a decision? Husband has moved on with another woman having kids all that. Although in law he is still his husband, but in reality he's no long with Teri and Teri's best interests, or his best interests are rather not with Terri. But he still has the gardenship and responosibilities hasn't he? I disagree that some people say they starved Terri to death. If she was dignosied with brain death, which means real death, how could she die 2nd time? Well, the death has notations in different fields, normal definition, medical one and regigious one.

Well I don't know what I am trying to speak out. I think the central point is that I am glad they finally let her go. I don't know what the story reveals and what is the most controversal issue here? I don't know who really has the best interest of Terri. None of the media, government, jurges has. What about the husband and parents? How can anyone know what is the right thing for Terri and what she really wants and would wish to do. No we don't. Maybe that's the hard part. I am not a conversative like many of the Chinese or the religious. I prefer shorter pain than long suffering, even if it means death. Oh yeah everyone has the right to live and choose to live. OK I'll quit talking euthaniz now. Not my area.

But ehmm, what is the vegetable and brain death? Some Chinese suggested that if Terri had received some Chinese medicine treatment, she would have faced another situaiton. That's an asumption. There are many cases in China who were vegetable later on gained life back through Chinese medicine treatment. The most recent well-known case is Liu Hairuo, a TV host from Phonix TV. That's a miracle indeed. My guess is that Chinese medicine treatment did give the positive effect on her recovery. Most of all it's the mixture of medical treament and conceptions. I doubt Chinese medicine alone will bring a dead alive. This is just a big "IF". Again not my area.

We think how developed and advanced is our modern medicine. There are always limitations on medicine experiment and development. Political and law control is a big factor? There is no way that medicine has been developed as the best it could be.

Friday, April 08, 2005

'Sorry, but this board is currently unavailable...'

"Sorry, but this board is currently unavailable. Please try again later." One of my faviorate site says so. They should really change the service provider by now. Or maybe they are testing the new host right now? Well, am I a little too addicted to the site? I guess my fingers and subconsciousness are.

23.10 Friday night. Shouldn't it be a time to go to pub with friends? Shouldn't it be a time to have some quality time with your partner? Shouldn't you turn off the PC to do some pushups before going to bed? Well, hell, I must be living in neither normal nor healthy life then?

For a long time my body is resistent to achole. Beer is tastes sh*t and sider is too sweet. I thought I will be a wholy non-achole, like one of my best friends. She came from a quite religious family with a big religious network(I think so). They rarely watch TV and don't touch achole. Haven't seen my friend dating any one (probably one or two dates) really. I haven't had the courage to ask her why's that? Being religious means you don't entertain, you hold on your needs and desires? Religious is a sensitive to me not because I really think how sensitive the topic is, rather I don't know much about it. Thus there is nothing for me have opinions about. Then I guess we are not much good friends then. Maybe I should say we are not much the same people. But I never categorize people into groups, although people more or less the same, or at least share the shame category.

Started reading some blogs. It's truly entertaining. Definately another great means of interacting and communicating in addition to BBS. OK I will stop here cause I don't want to blah blah blah about how technology how Internet is great great great, bringing people together... I hate computer absolutely sometimes. I wrote a relative long blog the other day. It took forever to publish the post. I had to leave the office to catch my bus. I had to give it up since I had no time to look into it like how to recover my post all that!

Well, I guess it is just 'Sorry, longer post may take some time to publish, please wait...'

Job applications and CV in Finnish, first EVER

I am pround that finally I have the courage to do my application and CV in Finnish. Both of them are short and brief. Thanx to my dear friend Katri talking the trouble to look into my text and making the corrections. I made my Finnish version CV by following the samples found from Internet. Funny funny!

YEAH! Way to go. I was always told that CV should be kept as short as possible, for people like me less than 15 years of work experience should have only 1 page. Photo and own homepage will help the CV to stand out from rest of the 200 applicants. I have so much to work on, like finding a good but free webhost, updating the pages which were last touched a year ago or so, brushing up my Finnish cover letter, and using our poor DC to take care of the digi photo which is needed for CV. ^^

The two I applied, one is a clearning job and the other a waitress work. I don't really what to think every time I send out an application. It's quite rough to tell myself that I am soon becoming 26 year old without a stable work experience. Although I have never really been unemployed 'caz I have been studying and studying, from one school to another school, a major then another major. I know it's at least better for the employer to see your were studying than you were unemployed. So to get whatever job comes first before you find a more suitable one.

So much to do, but the rainy weather seems to always affect on my motivation and mood, especially on Friday when we are very busy but at the same time we are all thinking about the weekend.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

familiar strangers

There was a old song sang by Fany Wang, a Chinese female singer, named 'Only love strangers'. It has probably nothing to do with what I am gonna talk about. People you are familiar and people that are strangers to you.

I feel that I know lots of familiar strangers. They are people whom I've known for a long long time, and amazingly well. Because of the time and space limitations, we've lost the sense and touch of each other's life and thoughts. They are no longer the people I can say I know or understand damn well. Probably same with how they feel about me. Then there are another group of people in my life, that I've also known for quite a while (probably as long as the first group). The big difference is that they have been always strangers to me since very first day I met them. I know their professions, ages, habits, origins and recognize their faces and voices. There are some constraits which decide that it's the way it has been and will ever gonna be. It sounded sad doesn't it? No I don't feel much regrets. Ok, how can I know they can't be more important to me if I let myself know them better? No I can't say that. Actually they are somehow important to me because they are in my life in one way or another. I got relatively more frequent meetups with them than any other people. I guess the thing is that they are the stabilities in my life, which is not gonna change and diminish in a year or two. No matter I interact more or less, they are there, interacting or not interacting with me. That could be the reason I don't have motivation to develop relationship with this group of people further.

I always think deep down I am a quite social person. I mean values and philosophy are bright and upwards. I think I am wrong. There are obviously things that make me quite passive and lay back person at this moment. I don't feel like talking to people I know, not mention the people I don't know or people I have serious resistence towards.

I am far more willing to get to know people on cybernet, or make my contacts through web. I am afraid that I am that kind of person who doesn't look depressed but actually is very depressed and easily hit by some external factors. And I don't have intention to kill the bad feelings using achole, pills or eating. Ok, eating maybe abit. I usually eat more when I can't figure out ways to deal with problems. The chance to think is bad for me. Cause all I think of is those factors I can't do anything about but still hold on to. I sort out many possibilities to make myself think I am full of analytical thinking and choices. But result is always the opposite. My analysis is fruitless by other people's standards.

I should go out a breath the sun I think? Otherwise I will be stuck in here missing the Finnish course. That can't happen...